Mary Poppins for the New Millenium

When I was a kid we had no nannies. We didn't live in England for one thing; New Jersey nannies would have seemed like an oxymoron. And there were no families pretentious enough to have one - not like today, when frantically overtaxed Mommies are so pressed for time that they'd "just die without her." We had babysitters. And they usually just made out with their boyfriends and let us run wild.

We did have a maid, or so I'm reminded by my brother. She must not have lasted long enough to make an impression - which meant that she and mother musn't have cottoned to one another. But we didn't really need a maid anyway - not when we had our own version of Joan Crawford, lurking just below Mom's surface. ("I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt!") Mom had different channels she could switch on as needed; Betty Crocker came out for dinner (thank God!) and La Crawford emerged on Saturdays to give the house the once-over.

So who needed a maid? Let alone a nanny! Disney's Mary Poppins was the closest we ever got to seeing one, and Julie Andrews didn't look like she could do an honest day's work.

Not like the gals on another show I watch (instead of going out and having a social life, as we've seen in previous posts) : Nanny 911.

Now, if you didn't think it was pathetic enough watching Fear Factor or Hell's Kitchen, this oughta push your opinion of me over the edge. But the perverse thrill I get watching Chef Ramsay curse out his chefs, I also get watching a family of five screaming brats get worked over by a no-nonsense nanny.

My favorite of these tough broads is "Nanny Deb" (pictured here, the sweet darling).

Nanny Deb wears this outfit as she walks briskly down the street into the homes of each family she counsels. If the outfit alone didn't traumatize the children, she turns their whole world upside down by having their parents "do a 180" and enforce some discipline. But not before each child has a Major Meltdown, which is great entertainment, especially since you can Mute the TV and just watch the brats as they (literally) climb the walls.

What's endearing about Nanny Deb is that she blows in like a juggernaut with her firm and brusque demeanor, but she always ends up breaking down into a lake of tears by the time she has to leave the children at week's end. Mean Nanny/Sobbing Nanny - which is more upsetting for the little dears to process all in one week's time?

The other nanny show on TV is called Supernanny. The caregiver this time is the lovely Jo Frost, whose name sounds like some kind of stripper for the Ice Capades. And if you want to see what you'll look like in 15 years, take a good look at Nanny Deb, Jo.

What I love about Supernanny is that she has abolished the whole "time out"concept (which was so "90's" anyway) in favor of what she calls "The Naughty Spot."

This is a spare room or even a corner of the kitchen or a step on the staircase - anywhere that errant child will be placed until he "learns his lesson."

SO: If your little Dickie misbehaves, you come down to his level and say, "This behavior is unacceptable, and now we're going to put Dickie on his Naughty Spot."

Ahem.