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Apple -- Turn Over!

Poor little Apple. Richard Johnson on Page Six of the NY Post reports:

September 9, 2005 -- GWYNETH Paltrow (above) has declared war on the paparazzi because she feels her daughter, Apple, is in danger. The star is afraid she'll end up like Princess Di. "If I have my daughter in the car and they are making me nervous, I'll do whatever I have to do," Paltrow tells V Life. "I keep a whole log. I take pictures of their cars, write down license plate numbers, everything. If they do it again, I can go to the police. I know my rights, and believe me, I will have them arrested. I will stop at nothing." Paltrow gave up her too-accessible West Village townhouse in favor of a high-security TriBeCa pad to foil the photogs.

I think the little fruit is in greater danger of being beaten up on the schoolyard for being named Apple...

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True love

Ahh, true love...

Ain't it grand?

Doesn't it just make your heart sing? Doesn't it shake your bon-bons?

What? "Manufactured for the Press", you say? Oh, come now...

With all this talk of phoney philanderings, what can a guy believe?

I guess you just have to turn to a long-term, solid relationship that has stood the test of time:

from Ananova:

Matt and Ben 'to grow old together'

Matt Damon has admitted that he'll probably grow old with Ben Affleck rather than the woman of his dreams. Speaking to German magazine Brigitte Damon said he believed in his long term friendship with Affleck and added: "I can well imagine growing old with him."

He also said that it was unlikely a woman would come between them. "My longest relationship with a woman lasted two and a half years. That's very short when I consider how long I've been friends with Ben," he said.

The actor, who wrote and starred in Good Will Hunting together with Affleck, also stood by his best mate during his engagement and subsequent break-up to Jennifer Lopez.

"Despite all the rumours I liked and still do like Jennifer Lopez. I would never judge the woman at Ben's side and expect the same from him," said Damon.

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Going Up...

Well.

The trip to the Urologist. All the fun you might expect, and then some. As feared, he said they're gonna have to stick this long -- well -- let's not go into it now. Some people are trying to eat their breakfast, I'm sure...

The good news is I'll finally get some relief (please God) from this tenacious little stone that refuses to let go. I try to keep my thoughts on that, rather than -- well -- you know -- HOW it will happen. And I try to keep my sense of humor.

While I sat in the Urology office I noticed that one of the doctors is named Dr. Weiner. I guess he was born for that job. Cracked me up.

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This Too Shall Pass

PLUS

EQUALS =

KIDNEY STONE

Ever had one? Try to avoid it if at all possible.

I've had a few of them - just blessed with good genes, I guess - but they usually broke up and headed quietly for the exit on their own. Prior to that, of course, there's the excrutiating agony of the attack, which is probably not unlike that warm feeling one got from instruments of torture in the Inquisition.

This one, however, has been hanging on like an unwanted relative. For months. Yes, months....That initial searing pain has long passed but not the stone, which has made itself at home somewhere at the bottom of my bladder. So I'm told. All I know is that I'm uncomfortable all the time and have to pee 4 times a night. And I'm not even pregnant.

They tried to blast the little bugger with sonar waves or somesuch but it just wasn't working. Too easy, of course. So now what's left? Let's revisit those instruments of torture. Without being too graphic, something's gotta to travel up where stuff usually comes down. It's like salmon swimming upstream; it's just not the right direction!

I take the x-rays in for a consult with Herr Urologist today. He'll deliver the verdict, but I think he's just waiting to give me the hook, as they say. The fish hook.

Pray for me...

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Fringe

No, not this kind.



This kind.

I've been hard at work mounting "Isn't it SARCASTIC" once more for the Philly Fringe. Something's getting mounted and I think it's me.

I haven't performed since May and now it's 4 months later. I'd played the show for two weeks then so I got to know it well. But now there's been a big hiatus and who the hell knows what will come out. I like to work in an improvisatory way. I like playing to the audience. But any play, especially a one-man show, needs to follow those pesky things like light and sound cues. I go off on a riff and then suddenly I'm not only driving the lighting guy nuts, but if I get off the track, who knows where my balloon will touch down. Makes for an interesting show every night.

I've done legit theatre, I've done cabaret shows where you sing a bunch of songs. But I think my talents are best displayed in a forum where things are very loose. Then I can do my own Kathy Griffin. "Life on the P-List" ("P" for Philly...or any other "p-word" you can think of. And while there are a handful of Philly people who are getting skewered, ya run out of those pretty quick. I used my tales of celebs I met growing up (see posts below) in this piece -- so after this autobiographical show I'll just have to move to new victims.

So watch out!

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Cover your Bush

Broadcaster affiliate refuses Bush 'no clothes' ad

By Claudia Parsons

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A local affiliate of broadcaster Fox News has rejected a campaign advertisement for a Democratic politician that lampoons President George W. Bush by superimposing his head on a naked torso.

The ad, produced by Brian Ellner, an openly gay candidate for Manhattan Borough president, opens with a close-up of Bush's face and zooms out to show the torso from the hips up, with a voice-over saying, "New Yorkers know the emperor has no clothes."

Ellner also introduces his male partner during the 30-second commercial.

A spokeswoman for Fox's WNYW/Channel 5 affiliate said the channel was not running the ad, but declined to say why. A spokeswoman for Fox News Channel said: "The decision was made at the station level."

Ellner said on Tuesday, "This is censorship and it's un-American. ... It's either anti-gay because I introduce my partner, or it's anti-free speech because I criticise the president."

He said the three major networks and many other cable channels accepted the ad.

Ellner said WNYW representatives told his campaign officials that the ad was rejected because Fox viewed it as disrespectful to the office of the president.

"Fox claims that this ad is disrespectful to the president. What is truly disrespectful to Manhattan voters is to deny them the chance to hear a serious message from a candidate for public office," Ellner said.

Part of Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. empire, Fox News is the leading cable news channel in the United States, operating under the slogan "Fair and Balanced."

According to an annual report by a research arm of the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism, its audience is increasingly more Republican than viewers of other cable channels.

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Casting

I worked with the wonderful Joanna Merlin, a top casting director. As her assistant I helped find just the right actors for projects and I was really happy to be part of her team. I also went on to help cast "Beaches" and "Field of Dreams," when she recommended me to another casting director. So casting was something I was drawn to. To which I was drawn.... God, grammar. Anyway, back to Ms. Merlin...

Just some of her credentials, so you know she's no hack! (From michaelchekov.org):

Joanna Merlin, a student of Michael Chekhov, is an actor, teacher and former casting director. She teaches regular workshops at the Actor's Center, the American Conservatory Theatre, the Manhattan School of Music, and is a faculty member of New York University's graduate acting program. She is the recipient of two Casting Society of America Artios Awards for casting Bertolucci's The Last Emperor and Sondheim's Into the Woods. As Harold Prince's casting director, she cast the original Broadway productions of Sondheim's Company, Follies, A Little Night Music, Pacific Overtures, Sweeney Todd, Merrily We Roll Along, as well as Evita and On the Twentieth Century. Other film casting includes three Merchant/Ivory films.

She has written a great book called "Auditioning - An Actor-Friendly Guide." Now, like every other actor in the world, I have pored over all the "how to get cast" books and this one is superb. It is very accessible to understand, easy to read, and written by someone who has been on the other side of the audition table.

She makes it clear that any audition is a chance to act, not a terrifying trial of gaining approval. She explains exactly what she looks for in an actor's audition, and these practical, "actable choices" give you the tools to work on when you get before the casting directors. They help you concentrate, do the work, and forget you're being scrutinized. Then it can even be enjoyable. Yes.

I won't go into more detail because it's much better laid out in this stimulating, encouraging read.

If you're at all interested in learning how to audition better, buy this book.

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